


Equilibrium

by Earluin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anger, F/M, Hate turns into love, Love/Hate, Reader-Insert, Roughness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-13 23:02:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5720266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earluin/pseuds/Earluin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are a Resistance engineer who specializes in damaging First Order ships. In an unsucceeded mission in one planet of the Hoth system you are injured and captured. You then find out the First Order was more aware of you than you thought. Will they be able to use your knowledge to destroy the Resistance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm simply fascinated with Kylo Ren, he is such a interesting character, and since I saw the movie I can't stop reading all I can about him! This is my first fanfic, and any criticism is appreciated! If some things happen to be written in a weird way, English is not my first language, so it's probably because of that. I'll try to update once or twice a week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is how I imagine the trident lightsaber: http://i.imgur.com/aE41Pww.png

It is night time, but the ruins of what used to be a village are lit every few minutes by blaster's shots and explosions. Your ears ring due to the deafening sound. Your breath comes out in short, rushed gasps, as you run in the opposite direction of every poor soul that tried to escape from the First Order. They had landed less than two hours ago, but managed to almost wipe out all any signs of a former peaceful civilization that lived in this trading village. 

You clutch your trident under your clothes, to make sure it's still there. You know you could use it to help light up your way, but it's a uncommon weapon, and you know it can draw attention to you, só you keep it turned off. You see two rows of stormtroopers making their way into the core of the city. Quickly you hide behind a fallen wall, feeling the thump of their footsteps fade as they get further away from you. Soon you stand up again and keep going, thinking they're far behind you. Suddenly you hear a high pitched noise behind you, but then there's no time to react and avoid the blaster shot that hit your right shoulder. You groan and duck, letting your injured shoulder touch the snow, trying to alleviate the burn. 

Now you're crawling your way to the First Order ship, a black sharp structure of metal that polluted the once snow white landscape of this unknown town. Just a few seconds after, two more shots follow. One hits what was left of the Market's wall, causing a chunk of it to fall on you left leg. You scream feeling a searing pain where you bone now protrudes out of your skin. Still you try to drag yourself across the snow, leaving a small crimson trail behind you. You hope your all white outfit is able to hide you well enough. 

_I can't fail, not when I'm so close_ , you think, your vision starting to blur, due to your injuries. You feel like each time you crawl a little farther, a piece of your leg is torn off you. It feels like hours have passed, but in reality it was less than five minutes. You can't hear or see where the stormtrooper that shot you was, so you keep going, gripping your trident harder and trying to focus on the Force, letting it flow through you, calming your body and mind. You stop and close your eyes. 

Now every sound feels far away, in a distant world that you aren't a part of. You take a deep breath, opening your eyes and now feeling less dizzy and finally seeing the First Order ship less than 30 feet away from you. As soon as you move again, your serenity is shattered by the hands that grab you roughly by your arms and lift you up, making you feel like glass shards are being shoved on your shoulder. 

You realize with a sickening feeling in your gut that as you thought the stormtroopers couldn't see you due to your outfit, you also couldn't see them as well as you should have. You hastily grab your saber from under your clothes, almost dropping it, but managing to clumsily hit the trooper behind you. He beats your wounded shoulder with his blaster, making you drop your trident, hissing in pain. Another trooper picks up your dear weapon, and then you are lifted and brought closer and closer to the ship. 

The explosions have stopped for some time now, and you wonder how many people are still alive. Your head spins due to the pain on your leg, and you groan each time a stormtrooper moves the wrong way making you feel like your calf is being split in half. After a few minutes of this painful walk, you are dropped on your knees on the snow, with a trooper holding your arms behind your back, forcing you to stand straight.

You look up, quickly recognizing the dark figure that towers above you. Kylo Ren. You see his red jagged lightsaber in his hand, its glow contrasting with the blue hues of the snow beneath you. You look up at him, clenching your jaw, imagining if this will be the last thing you'll see or if your faith will be worse than death. He looks back at you, extending his gloved hand towards your face. That's when you feel white, scratching noise invading your mind, probing to see your intentions. You do your best to block him out, using the little energy you have left. You know he saw private memories, but you don't reveal anything from your involvement with the Resistance.

He growls, now knowing that you are Force sensitive, and that you are hiding something. Silently, the second stromtrooper that captured you hands out your trident to Kylo Ren. He pushes the button in the middle, lighting it up. He looks down at you again, even though you can't see his eyes, you feel he is furious with you. “This is the one I'm looking for. Bring her to the ship.” His voice is inhuman and cold, sending a shiver through your spine. He finishes his sentence by reaching out to you again, this time making your vision blur and darken until you pass out.


	2. Chapter 2

You wake up with a jerk, gasping. You feel a little bit faint, and it takes a while to remember where you are, and how you got here. You know you're somewhere in space, maybe heading to the Starkiller base, maybe heading to Yoda knows where. You are sure the Resistance has no way to track you, that's how it always worked so far. And that doesn't sound like a good thing. Not at all. 

There is a dull pain in your shoulder and a stronger but bearable ache in your leg. You look down and see you are strapped to a chair like device, but almost in a standing position. Your clothes were taken off, replaced by a simple worn out grey tunic, with matching grey pants and boots.The room you are is dark, the only glow you see is from the panels attached to the door, a few feet in front of you. You test your bonds, and it changes nothing, even if you were at the peak of your healthiness you wouldn't be able to escape this chair.

The electronic sounds of the spaceship soothe you a little, the familiarity of it making your thoughts wander to the hours you spent opening panels, taking wires and faulty pieces out, assembling and disassembling them, learning how the hardware and the software of a ship works and most importantly, studying how to discreetly damage them. That's what you did for the Resistance. Your job was to be quick, and leave no traces. You would usually enter First Order ships while they were ravaging towns, and make changes to the code, or to important electronic pieces, so that after a while its components would start to fail. First, a propellant wouldn't function properly. Nothing out of the ordinary, especially in battle hardened ships.

But like a cancer, it would spread out to important parts, until so many things got broken, or couldn't get fixed, that the ship would have to be turned into scrap metal. And that cost time and money for the First Order. Time that could have been used to harm the Resistance and money that would have to be used to other things than weapons. You were not in any way linked to the Resistance, nor do you know where their base is, so the First Order efforts would be split into finding two enemies. You thought you had been perfectly anonymous. But not so much, apparently.

You are shaken out of your thoughts by the whirring of the door opening. Kylo Ren enters, followed by a young, slightly shorter red head man wearing a fancy military outfit. You just _know_ from his posture that this man is full of himself - and you better be weary of him. Not as much weary as you should be of Kylo Ren, who stands in front of you,staring at you like someone looks at a caged pet, a doomed animal.

Your eyes jump from man to man, as if waiting to be hit by one of them. Kylo Ren lifts his right hand and you flinch, remembering how awful it felt to have him in your head. Instead of using the Force, he cups your chin tightly, lifting your face to make better use of the little lightning available.

In his deep, mechanic voice, he finally speaks. 

"Look at her, Captain Hux. She is definitely the one I saw fleeing the Doomstar ship. And this" He pauses, fetching your trident from his robe, and turning it on "Is the weapon spotted by FN-5835." 

You growl, hating to see your most precious object at the hands of someone so corrupted like Kylo Ren. He takes his hand off your chin, and with a movement so fast that if you blinked you would have missed, he flexes his fingers, creating a small, but steady, choking pressure on your throat, rendering you unable to make any sound.

You twitch in the chair, but the force only gets harder, now you feel like someone is holding you down by your throat. He uses his other hand, the one that held your saber to turn it off, putting it near your hands, but far enough to be out of your reach, taunting you.

Captain Hux approaches you, his blue eyes lingering a little to long on your body. You glare at him, doing your best to use the Force to make him back off from you, but Kylo Ren's hold on your mind nulls any chance of using the Force. Hux squeezes your injured shoulder, seemingly enjoying to hurt you, just because he can. His hand now grips your chin, turning your head to different angles, so he can analyze your features better. 

"I'm positive it's her, Kylo Ren. I will begin the interrogation procedure at once." He says, his tone indicating that this is one of his favourite parts of his job.

Kylo Ren frees you from his hold, and you take a few deep breaths, the pain on your shoulder and leg becoming sharper. He turns to Captain Hux and says: "I will be responsible for the interrogation. She _is_ force sensitive after all. You will report her capture to Leader Snoke, and tell Captain Phasma to prepare one of her best cells for my new guest."

You can feel the delight in the way he speaks, and that scares you. If the idea of interrogating someone and keeping them in a cell _pleases_ him, you don't want to know what doesn't.

Captain Hux starts to argue, but Kylo Ren lifts his hand, a gesture of silence. He adds: "You _will_ take orders from me, especially when we are talking about matters concerning the Force. Now _go_ ". His tone is misleadingly calm, but you hear a hint of anger in it, an anger that is about to taken off on you. Hux nods curtly and leaves, his body language indicating that this would not be the end of that argument. The door closes with a soft metallic sound, leaving you in the dark once more.

Just as you get used to the darkness again, Kylo Ren unsheathes his characteristic lightsaber, making you gasp at the proximity of you two. You desperately wiggle your fingers, trying to reach your saber. As soon as you manage to touch it, Kylo Ren flicks his wrist, and in a blur his saber is close enough to your hand to heat it up, without burning. You look up at him, not daring to move an inch.

"You won't need that for now. So you are the _girl_ who caused so much inconvenience for the First Order. And to me. _Especially_ to me. Do you have an idea of how humiliating it is to have your ships break like they were made by stupid rebel scum? Do you know how much money was lost trying to fix the symptoms of your foolish actions before I had an idea of what was going on?".

His voice is lower and raspier, if that was even possible, and he moved his arm, so that the point of the lightsaber is still near your hand and the cross-guard is almost touching your neck.

For the first time, you answer. You know the way you're about to speak to him will probably make your last days shorter, but what else do you have to lose? 

"You and your troops _wipe out_ cities, destroy lives and harm anything that gets in your way and you have the guts to _complain_ about your ships breaking? You sound like a spoiled child that wants to have your cake and eat it. You can't be evil and not expect bad things to happen to you." You wait for some kind of backlash from him, but all you get is a laugh, so sadistic that makes your blood run cold.

Kylo Ren stands up for a moment, and you think he is about to leave, but suddenly the hand holding his saber comes down, cutting of a piece of the chair right beside your head. It happened so fast you barely had time to process it. The burnt smell of the piece that was cut off from the chairs fills the room, making the atmosphere more threatening, and making only one thought fill your head. _This is real. This is happening to me._ The only sounds in the room are your heavy breathing, with fear, and his low and grainy breaths.

"You think you are _so brave_ , with your fearless words, and your misguided defiance. It amuses me that you think you are fighting for the winning side. You know nothing about the real word. I saw your memories. You are just some sheltered, lucky farm girl that traveled too far away from home for her own good, always being "smart", thinking she has courage, even if she is staying out of harm's way. Where is the bravery in not getting hurt?" 

He gets so close you can see part of your reflection in the chrome of his helmet. You almost can make out some life in the black void that is supposed to be his eyes. He emphasizes his point by dragging his other hand to your burned shoulder, tapping it, and sliding his fingers across your body to your calf, squeezing the exact place where your bone pierced the skin. He savors your whimper with a chuckle, standing up, picking up your trident and moving towards the door.

He turns his head to look at you one more time. "But don't you worry. I'll make sure to get you just _right into_ harm's way."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited some stuff... it's never a good idea to write and submit just before falling asleep.

You don't know for how long you are left in the dark. There's no way to track time, and after a while you start paying more attention to the beeping sounds of the machinery around you. You recognize two kinds of computers you've worked with, and try to think of a way to access them.

 _Maybe I can force a hyperdrive failure. The ship would have to stop in a repair station... and I could run away._ But you know you are being too hopeful, because your plan will only work assuming you can get free from this chair, navigate through the ship without being shot again, and not be spotted at the repair station or maybe steal a smaller ship. _And do all that with a broken leg. Yeah right, that's definitely going to work._ You sigh, knowing you'll have to stay, and either play the long con game and escape somehow... or find the fastest way to get killed.

The opening of the door for the second time that day interrupted your thoughts once more. This time it was not Kylo Ren or Captain Hux, but a important looking stormtrooper, with a special chrome armor. The trooper typed a password on the pad by the door, and you are glad now for this different armor, because it allows you to see a distorted reflection of the code. You now are 80% sure that you know the right numbers.

With a click your restraints open, relieving your arms and ankles. You stay still because you are not sure your legs can support you and the stormtrooper is aproaching you with a blaster right up in your face. 

"Stay put, prisoner. I have orders to shoot if you don't. You will be escorted to a cell and await further interrogation there. You will receive a meal and your wounds will be inspected. Now put your hands together in front of you."

You barely paid attention to what the stormtrooper said when you heard it was a _woman speaking._ You had never seen a female trooper before and now that you met one you were actually happy, even if she belong to the enemy army. 

" _Your hands_ , prisoner. I will not repeat myself again." 

This time you quickly put your hands in front of you, and then they were restrained with tech looking shackles. You wiggled your wrists and the restraints tightened. _Oh, that is just what I need right now._

"You think you can walk, prisoner?", She asked, testing your bonds to see if they were properly adjusted.

"I need some time to stretch my good leg, but I'll walk slowly, due to my broken leg." You answer honestly, sensing this stormtrooper wouldn't hurt you just for sport.

"AA-3, come to Room 17", she says to the intercom near the door. Just a few seconds after, a cylindrical black and red droid wheels into the room and waits near the trooper. She orders it to attach to your broken leg. When the droid finishes, you realize your leg is quite secure, and you can move it easily around the floor.

"Come now, prisoner. Eyes down", she instructs you, motioning for you to go ahead, her blaster now pointed to the small of your back. There was a regular trooper outside the door, waiting for you. This trooper walks in the front, to prevent you from running off. _Like I can run anywhere..._

 

All you can do is follow the white boots, trying your hardest to memorize the way, but after a while it feels like you are walking in circles. _Maybe they are making me walk in circles. Bastards._ After endless grey hallways and elevators you finally come to a halt, in a rather empty area of the ship. 

In front of you lies a gray steel door, with a small window that allowed to see the inside of the cell, and a slot to insert food trays. With a soft clicking noise the door was opened from the inside, and to your surprise Kylo Ren stood there, making every fiber your body jolt, urging you to run. 

"I will assume from here, Captain Phasma. FN-3022, you will only come back to your patrol here when I order you. Leave."

Both troopers nodded and walked away, though Captain Phasma had an air of confidence that certainly lacked in FN-3022, that seemed relieved to move away from Kylo Ren. 

When their footsteps could not be heard by you anymore, The Knight of Ren stepped out of the door, grabbed your wrists with one hand and brought you inside the cell, closing the door with the Force. The cell is way nicer than you thought it would be. It was well lit, although the light controls were nowhere to be seen, it also had a sink, a plasma mirror, a decent bed with a blanket. No sharp corners, or pointy objects that could be detached and used as a weapon. 

You are weary, looking up at Kylo Ren's mask, not knowing where he was looking or his facial expression made you very unsettled. With one flick of his wrist, you are lifted and pinned to the wall, so tightly you can barely move. Ren gets closer, each footstep sounding like a knife in your stomach.

You are feeling conflicted, anger and fear fighting to see which would surface. You hate Kylo Ren so much right now because of the way he makes you feel. Yet you are intrigued by him, you wonder how a man could become such an inhuman being.

Kylo Ren finally speaks to you, his voice carrying a hint of anger and impatience.  
"I will give you one chance to tell me everything you know about the Resistance. If you do not cooperate you will deeply regret your actions." He steps closer, with a hand caressing his lightsaber. 

You clear your mind as best as you can, trying to prepare for his mind torture. You shamelessly lie in your answer. "I'm not related to anyway to the Resistance. I'm just an engineer who likes to break evil ships."

He raises his hand, moving you up the wall until you are at eye level with him. He gets close enough so that his mouth is right over your ear.

"I know you are lying. If you think your child's abilities with the Force will save you, then you are dumber than I thought. You have not seen me at my full power yet. I can take anything I want from you. I can sense your fears, and I will use them against you until I get what I want. _No one_ can stop me from getting what I want."

If you weren't being held by the Force you are certain you would fall on the floor and curl up in a ball. Your knees feel weak and you are light headed. You are sure he is using the Force to manipulate your emotions, and you are doing nothing about it. But as always you decide to play tough. Show no fear, as your grandfather always told you. "I'm not afraid of threats made by a man behind a mask." 

He slams you against the wall, as a warning, but takes off his mask, letting it fall with a loud clang on the ground. You manage to choke in a gasp, but you are sure your eyes widen. He is so young just about your age, and gods damn him, he is _so stunning_. Black soft locks frame his face, contrasting with his pale skin. His dark eyes burn into you, and you can't look away. You realize you lost focus on the walls you were putting up to protect your mind and he is now reading your thoughts. He rests his hands between your neck and shoulder muscles, pulling you closer to him. His breath on your ear makes focusing on his words a really hard task.

"You like what you see, don't you? Aren't you ashamed of being such a traitor? There are people dying out there fighting and you are just a prisoner who can barely control herself. That's disgusting, even for my standards. Now tell me... are you with the Resistance?"

He finishes his phrase by slamming his body on you, pinning you with his weight. You feel his lightsaber dig into your skin. 

"I'm _not _with the Resistance."__

He takes it off and uses it cut up the wall behind you, getting dangerously closer to your skin. You turn you head away, but he uses the Force to turn it to him. Now he tugs on your hair, forcing your chin up, his gaze cold and unforgiving.

"You can lie how many times you want. But I will get into your head again. And I'll make sure you learn your place on this ship, prisoner. Thank you for your lightsaber by the way. I'm sure the Resistance will enjoy seeing that weapon wielded by one of my generals. " 

He lightly chokes you until you are trying to use the Force to push him away, and walks out, leaving you a shivering mess on the ground.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I got sick last week and was not in the mood for writing, so this chapter is a bit shorter...  
> I will also make some edits to this chapter when I feel a bit better.

You stay motionless in the ground until you feel completely drained of any kind of emotion. You've already felt so sad, scared and angry the past few days that you don't have the capacity to feel anything at the moment.

Slowly you rise to your feet, taking your time, so you don't hurt your leg, adjusting your messy clothes and walking to the sink to wash your face. You take a good look at your worn out reflection and decide it's time to quit moping and make up a strategy to get out alive of this cursed ship.

 _I will never let anyone make me feel this way again. Lost and helpless... I am stronger than that._ You stare at the destruction Kylo Ren caused on the wall, the metal now cold and a little melted and you see something that seems too good to be true. Wires and circuits are visible through the slashes and holes on the wall, with countless blinking little lights that signal the state of each electronic component you see.

It takes a great deal of self control for you to not shove you arm through the slashes and electrocute yourself to death. _It's a good thing I'm cuffed, at least I didn't do anything stupid. But still those holes are good...very good. I need to discover what this computer does and then I'll give my gift to the First Order._

You start “pacing” around your room, trying to decide the best way to investigate this computer without getting caught. You sit down on the simple bed, carefully proping up your broken leg. Suddenly an idea pops on your head. You start giggling, knowing you'll be playing with fire, but that's the only plan you thought so you will stick to it. 

Now you lie down, knowing you have to sleep, because next day you need to be prepared to whatever the First Order has planned for you. As soon as your head hit the pillow, you start to fall sleep, but you feel a tiny pressure on your mind, though you are too tired at this point to pay any attention to it.

**You open your eyes and find yourself back at the farm where you grew up, in Endor. It was one of the smallest farms of the region, but your grandfather always took pride in saying you had the best milk anyone could ever hope to drink.**

**You look around, the rich landscape around you just the way you always remembered. Lush tall trees, shiny green grass and sharp dark stones that made up a pathway to the cottage you used to live.**

**The sun is slowly setting on a reddish sky, casting a golden glow, and for a moment you stop walking, your breath taken away by so much beauty around you. You look at the rustic stone cottage again, finding it weird that the lights are not on at this time of the day. Now you walk faster, your unsure steps turning frantic when you see the front window is broken, and that destruction noises are coming from inside the house.**

**You kick the front door open, revealing a scene you never thought you would see in your life: a slightly younger Kylo Ren stood in front of you, tightly gripping his lightsaber, straining not to destroy anything. He paced around the cramped living room. At the same time, three stormtroopers searched for something, turning chairs and tables, opening drawers, almost ripping the furniture apart. You look around, trying to see your grandpa, but there is no sign of him. You walk in, not knowing what to do know.**

**His eyes lock with yours, the intensity and coldness of his gaze shocking you. Before you can react, Ren raises his hand towards you, making it harder and harder for you to keep your eyes open. You started to kneel down, finding it difficult to stand up. In a few seconds your vision is completely black.**

 

You wake up with a gasp, almost falling off the bed. _What the fuck just happened in my head?? What kind of dream is that? That can only be a nightmare, I would never dream about that monster! How dare he toy with my mind?!_ You sit up angrily, staring down at your handcuffs, your broken leg and the grey floor beneath your feet. You wish you still had tour trident, all you want to do is destroy this room, this ship, the damned First Order.

Something in you snaps, and in a swift movement you are banging your cuffs at the door, yelling at whatever stormtrooper is guarding you, demanding to see Kylo Ren. You only stop when you feel the cuffs tighten around your wrists, making any kind of movement painful. After that, time seemed to pass so slowly, that you space out, jumping when you hear the steel door of your cell open. 

To your surprise, a unmasked Kylo Ren enters and closes the door, his expression perfectly neutral. You are so angry that for a few moments you stand still, just staring at him. But then you are lunging at his chest, your cuffed hands pulling at the neck of his shirt, your good leg trying to kick him. You are not hurting him, and you look pathetic trying to take down someone so much taller than you. He looks down at you and smiles evilly, but you can't stop yourself from being taken away by his smile. He blocks your next attack with no apparent effort and says: "So did you have sweet dreams, prisoner?"

Then you see red, feeling the Force like you never did before, making you feel powerful and more alive. You manage to use it to push him down on the floor, straddling him, your hands going straight to his neck. He doesn't appear to be worried at all, his hands moving to your thighs, holding them in place. 

You completely forget about any course of action you had planned, acting without thinking first. After a few moments it dawns on you. _Holy shit I'm straddling him. His hands are holding me._ Just as you are about to get up, he moves way faster than you thought he could, now pinning you down under him, with his hips straddling yours.

_What did I just do? I'm fucked._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely comments!

Kylo Ren leans down, his mouth near your left ear. 

“Why are you só mad at me? Do you think I gave you a nightmare? Don't you remember that day when you came home earlier than usual and found me and a group of stormtroopers searching your house? The day your grandfather found you passed out in the living room, and you had no idea what happened? That was not a dream. It was a memory.”

You refuse to believe that. The thought of Kylo Ren inside your grandfather's lovely cottage, destroying, and searching for something made you sick, and you squirmed under him, trying to get away. You growled, when he didn't move an inch.

“You are a lying monster! All you do is ruin people's lives, and someday you will destroy this galaxy.” He lifts his head, looking at you and narrowing his eyes at your words. 

“You can call me many things, but I'm _not_ a liar. You know I'm telling the truth. You just don't want to believe it. Now I know you have lots of questions, but you don't want to ask me. Because you would feel humiliated needing my answers to know more about your past, don't you? I know more about your past than you do.”

His hands move to the collar of your shirt, and he slowly gets off of you, lifting you up and sitting you down on the bed. He stays standing, magnifying the height difference between you. You eye his lightsaber hungrily, your fingers aching for your trident. You tap your fingers on the bed, trying to calm down and not do anything foolish. 

You look up at him, refusing to speak. You can see he doesn't like being challenged, and that makes you smile, knowing you are angering him.

His expression becomes as dark as a stormy sky, his hands closing in fists, while he paces in front of you. He stops and says:

“Since you are refusing the courtesy of having answers I just offered you, I guess I can go back to getting the information out of you. You should feel lucky. I have another Resistance member here, but I'd rather get the info the I need from you.”

You bite your lip, while tapping your good leg, wondering if you will able to resist one more session of Kylo Ren's mind interrogation.

He opens the door to an empty hallway, picking up his mask from somewhere outside the cell, and putting it on. After that, he calls two stormtroopers, using the intercom on his wrist, and orders them to take you to the interrogation room.

With one last look at you, he speaks, his altered voice sending a shiver through your spine.

“Get used to getting called a traitor by your comrades. You're about to become one.”

He storms off, twirling his lightsaber on his hand. 

Soon two troopers roughly lift you off the bed, to your surprise taking off your cuff. They force you to stand up, and practically drag you out of the cell, not caring much about your leg. _If I wasn't injuried, I would kick your asses só hard it would be found on the Outer Rim, you jerks..._

After what it feels like a century to you, they finally arrive at the dreaded torture room. You are strapped to some sort of table, leaving you in a standing position. Your wrists are tied tightly, but you still can spin them. Your legs are strapped up to your thigh, leaving little space to move. At last your neck is tied to the table, the metal strap feeling cold on your skin.

When they are finished, both troopers leave the room, and you're left alone with your thoughts, but you fight them, not wanting to worry more than you already are, and wanting to clear your mind before the ordeal you're about to go through.

You concentrate on clearing your mind, not lingering on any thoughts that pass your head, until you hear no more machinery sounds coming from the room. It feels like you're underwater, the world just a blur above you.

Looking up, you're confused for a moment when you don't see the room you're in, but a cell just like the one you slept on. You see a man in a brown leather jacket, looking beaten up, and you realise he is the other Resistance member Kylo Ren was talking about.

You wonder how you are managing to do this, because it never happened before. You knew you were Force-sensitive, but you avoided using any kind of power, due to the horror stories you were told about the Jedi and the Sith. You didn't want to become one of them.

To your surprise, a stormtrooper enters the cell you are seeing, and he takes off his mask. You never saw an unsmasked trooper before, and you're surprised that this one is about your age. He talks for a moment with the prisoner, and they quickly leave the cell, running away. 

As fast as it started, the vision ends, and you open your eyes, not realising you had closed them. You gasp, seeing Kylo Ren in front of you, his lightsaber in one hand, and your trident on the other.

He doesn't take off his mask this time, and says nothing. He throws your trident in the air, using the Force to keep it floating. You feel what he is about to do just a second before he does it, and that doesn't stop you from becoming horrified. 

With one smooth movement, he strikes your lightsaber with his, the sound echoing forever in the silent room. You are glad to see your trident is still in one piece, though it has a dent where it was struck. You have never been só scared in your life. That weapon is the only thing you have left from your family, and you're going to watch it get destroyed.

Kylo Ren lifts his saber one more time, and you can't stay silent anymore. 

“No! Stop! Please don't do that!” You scream, wiggling against your restraints, a sob escaping from you when you can't escape them.

“Tell me, what do you know about the Resistance ships? What is their weak spot?” He says, not looking at you, his lightsaber dangerously close to your trident.

You panic, not knowing what to do. You can't loose your most precious possesison, but you can't betray the Resistance. He doesn't wait for an answer, and strikes your weapon again, this time hitting it harder. You hear a sickening cracking sound, and open your hand, wishing that you could hold your trident one last time.

With a impressive speed, your trident falls in your hand, and you waste no time lighting it up, feeling like you are finally complete, holding it tightly.

You use the bottom part to cut off the straps that restrain your legs, burning yourself in the process, but there's no time to care about that now. In a second Kylo Ren lightsaber is coming right at you, but you manage to block the hit, destroying the part of the table that is restraining the arm that holds your trident.

This helps you to set your arm free, and in no time you destroy the rest of the table, now standing able to move anywhere, although with a limping leg.

You look up at Ren, now unmasked, never seeing só much rage in one person. If looks could kill you would be dead. He wastes no time, and lunges at you again, but now you block him, and return the attack, using your trident like a spear.

Soon the world is just a whirl of green and red, you both are fighting like you are going to die if you don't. You block a strike aimed at your face, and inch by inch bring his lightsaber closer to his face.

For the first time you see not the monster you have met, and not the man you know is there, but a lost boy, who went down a path he wasn't meant for, but doesn't know how to turn back. You feel sorry for him.

You both keep trying to push each other's lightsaber away, and that goes on until you push just a little harder, sending him flying off into the nearest wall. 

He groans, standing up slowly, but before he can use the Force to trap you, you run as fast as you can, having no idea where you are going. You only stop when you run into a stoormtrooper, and you almost start running back where you came from when you see the Resistance prisoner is with him.

“Please, take me with you!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think about a Poe/Reader crush?  
> Would you be interested in more background story of the reader?

“I have a bad feeling about this” 

You say, as spaceship shakes, hit again by a TIE fighter shot. The Resistance prisoner, who introduced himself as Poe Dameron laughs, and flies a little faster, making you hold on the bars above you for balance.

The rogue stormtrooper, who didn't have a proper name, but now is called Finn, by Poe's suggestion , appeared to be having the time of his life, while he shot down several enemy ships. He cheers and laughes every time he makes a sucessfull hit. You are with your hand deep inside an open panel, pulling out faulty wires, trying to fix the hyperdrive, for a change. _Why is it always the hyperdrive? Who makes these crappy things that break all the time?_

Your side of the spaceship is hit hard, and you almost fall down on Finn. The ship is too small for three people. You are cursing under your breath, when the smell of smoke raises your attention. _Oh shit shit shit we're screwed_

You stand up to take a look, and you see there is no hyperdrive, but a hole the size of your hand where it used to be. Sparkles and more smoke start coming out from the panel in front of you, and the ship wobbles, losing power. The monitors are showing countless error messages, and the control panel turns all red.

“What the hell happened back there, Y/N?” Poe says, unsucessfully trying to steer the ship away from an orange planet, before you get pulled by it's gravitational force. There is a TIE fighter on your right, forcing him to get closer to the planet.

“There is no hyperdrive! And there is a hole on the ship, a hole on the fucking ship! We're going to crash!” You yell, trying to think of a way to fix things, but the ship is too damaged to be saved now. 

“Aren't you an engineer? Just fix it!” He yells back, while the spaceship is definitely entering the atmosphere of the planet, and going a little bit faster than it should be. 

“I'm not a mechanical engineer, I'm a computer engineer! They are not the same thing! I know the basics about hyperdrive mechanics, but not enough to make a new hyperdrive out of nothing!” You reply, holding tight on your trident, if there is one thing you don't want is to lose it again.

“But you are an engineer, you should know how to fix everything!!” Finn says, and at the same time Poe is trying his hardest to fly away from the sharp rocks that are growing closer and closer.

“That's not how it works! Why don't you two just-” 

You are interrupted by an unexpected TIE fighter that landed a deadly shot right in the bottom of the ship, shutting down the flight and control system, now leaving you in a free falling piece of scrap metal. Poe groaned, and pulled the steering wheel to its limit, managing to decrease a little the velocity of your fall.

“May the Force be with us” Finn says, and the three of you become silent as the soft desert grows closer and closer, and you close your eyes as you hit the ground. 

 

You hear an annoying beeping sound and open your eyes to a utterly trashed meeting room. In the First Order ship. In a second you're up, completely ignoring your injured leg. _So was it just a dream? I never escaped that cursed ship? What is going on?_ You start walking around the room, trying to find out more about what happened, when you see sparks flying out from a hidden corridor a few feet in front of you. 

_Oh, no. Please don't be him._

Your steps are slow and cautious, you are afraid of what you are about to find. Finally, you see a the back of a tall figure, who is focused on destroying a closet right a the end of the corridor. Just as you see the dreaded red, jagged lightsaber the man turns around and raises his hand, stopping you in your tracks. 

“Look who is becoming a skilled Force user.” 

Kylo Ren laughes at the confusion on your face and continues, walking closer to you.

“You have no idea of what you are doing, don't you? So much _wasted_ potential on a Resistance member. Although you surprised me with your fighting style, I have to admit that.” He smiled, getting só close his body was touching yours.

The only thing you can move is your eyes, and you look down at you to see if you can reach your lightsaber with the Force, but it's nowhere to be seen. 

“You can't bring any weapons when you are doing this. This very thing you are doing now is called Force projection, and it's a famous skill of the Jedi. _Only_ the Jedi, not the Sith, because being evil severs part of the bond with the Force that allows the projection. Usually the ones who can project themselves also can prevent from being paralyzed by others. But you can't have everything, can you? ”

His hands cups the sides of your face, tilting your head up. 

“For a long time I didn't meet anyone that was Force sensitive. And then you came. The Force in you was almost silent when you were captured, but the time you spent with me made you stronger. And made me stronger.” He sounds less mechanic and cold. His voice is softer, and he stops for a few seconds, looking down to his left.

He jumps out of his thoughts and leans down to whisper on your ear. 

“I _know_ you feel it too.” His words are urgent, making you shiver. He moves his hand up to caress your hair, but pulls it away just as he realizes what he just did. 

You look deep in his eyes, and even with the coldness that he stares back at you, the longer you look at him, you realize he is still a man, and that he _is_ capable of having feelings, but he tries to hide his. You feel a warm feeling deep in your chest, and you know he is right. You are stronger, but at what cost? _I can't depend on him to get better at using the Force. There has to be some other way._

For a few seconds he says nothing, while you glare at him. You hear someone saying your name, and if you could, you'd turn your head to hear better.

Kylo Ren waves his hand, and you finally can move again, though for a couple minutes you stay still, processing all he said to you. Taking a step back, you say:

“I will never join you on the Dark Side, Kylo Ren. Even if it means I'll never learn anything about the Force.”

His face darkens and he frowns, folding his arms behind his back. 

“This is what you say now, but don't be só sure. The Force works in mysterious ways. If you knew what I know about you, you wouldn't say such things. Maybe in the future you will eat your words. You know, I'm actually a bit fond of you. You challenge me, and who doesn't love conquering challenges? We will see each other again. I know it.”

You wince at his words, running for the door. You hear your the sound of your name being called by someone behind it, As soon as your hand touches the door handle, you wake up.

Poe is shaking you by your shoulder, stopping as soon as he sees you opened your eyes. You blink several times, getting used to the bright landscape around you.

"Force's sake, Y/N, I thought you were dead too!" He says, wiping the sweat of his face, there are some cuts here and there, but he doesn't seem seriously hurt. Your heart sinks at his words. _Dead too?_ Even though you knew Finn for less than a day, he was so captivating you were already considering as a friend. It was refreshing to see someone so good like him running away from the toxic environment of the First Order.

"What do you mean dead _too_? Don't tell me Finn is -"

"Dead? He is dead. His part of the ship is burning and being swallowed by quicksand right over there, I found no signs of him around here, and I saw some scavengers roaming the area. If they found him, they would get his armor off so they could sell it. And they wouldn't leave him alive to tell the story." He spoke with a heavy tone, his usual cheerful self strained with Finn's loss.

"Do you at least know where we are, Poe?" He offers his hand to you, to help you stand up. You take it, and almost fall again when for a second you see a masked Kylo Ren helping you up, not Poe. You blink and it goes away.

"Jakku. Come on, we have a lot of ground to walk before reaching the closest city. Keep your weapon with you, we are going to need it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finn is not dead!


End file.
